Extra-Hot Double Half-Calf Soy Latte No Whip

Couldn't you just smack the customer in front of you when they order their coffee?  Plus, you probably haven't had your coffee yet if you are behind this person in the coffee line, so you're kind of set up for extra aggravation at this kind of multi-syllabic order.  Or maybe you are this person with the complicated drink, and you are just picky.  And that is ok, as long as you would definitely notice the difference between your complex multi-layered beverage and if someone accidentally gave you a regular cup of house blend with no frills.  If you wouldn't notice, what the hell are you doing ordering that contraption?  For shame.

I say this because when in college I was a barista for a semester.  I worked with one of my best friends, Amanda, and this combo did not always end up as the best possible situation for the consumers (Skim milk for the annoying girl I hated from my stat class?  I think not.  Whole milk it is!  ..I cringe as I type and admit this indiscretion.  For the record, I would never do that now.  Nutritional profiles are too important and that is unethical and disrespectful.  What if they had diabetes? I hang my head in shame.  But she was obnoxious.) My point here is that I have the perspective not only as a nutrition geek, but as as both a consumer and a barista, seeing the coffee world from both sides of the counter.  Plus I just gave a presentation on coffee in a nutrition course so I'm all pumped up on the topic right now.

Coffee is a source of antioxidants and I am in a co-dependent relationship with it.  Coffee's antioxidant properties are how I am allowing myself to weasel in a post about coffee drinks in a nutrition blog.  Now, keep in mind, when you are reading studies and bulletins and magazines about how coffee is a 'number one source of antioxidants in the USA,' remember that they may be stretching the truth of the matter.  Coffee might be the number once source because Americans drink so much damn coffee.  Because it is such a large percentage of what we ingest, it may just make up more of the overall percentage.  Got the general idea?  This is not always the case, and I tend to be skeptical of most claims on anything.

However, coffee is rich in antioxidants; on whether it is the number one source in USA, I have not formed an opinion.  Coffee contains many polyphenols, which are plant compounds that act as antioxidants.  Highly simplified,  an antioxidant acts like your bodyguard.  Free radicals are these free-floating bullies, looking to latch on to your healthy cells and rip part of them away to complete themselves.  When you have antioxidants patroling the area (in your bloodstream, or in and around your cells) the antioxidant-bodyguard will take the bullet for you.  It throws itself in the way of the free radical and the free radical uses the antioxidant to complete.  Satisfied, it leaves your cells alone.  That is overly simplified (can't wait to get angry-ish emails from fellow nutrition geeks!) but that's a general understanding.  Roasted coffee beans have more antioxidant properties than the young fresh green coffee beans.  And, by the way, coffee beans aren't beans at all - they are seeds of coffee fruit.  (I was going to go further into detail on the antioxidant properties of coffee, and I may yet in a later post, but if your interest is piqued, please check out the Coffee Science Information Centre's study on Antioxidants in Coffee.  Complicated science terms in there but very very thorough.)

As we know, coffee is also a caffeine source, containing approximately 90-150 mg of the buzzy stuff.  (Ideally - and as always, generally - speaking, you want to cap off your caffeine intake somewhere around 300mg/day.  Anything over about 550mg might cause minor to not-so-minor health issues like jitters, headaches, anxiety, cholesterol complications, etc.)  Coffee is also a diuretic, meaning that makes you pee more and thus may end up dehydrating you.  That's my 'proceed with moderation' blurb.

Here is the low-down on fancy-schmancy coffee and espresso (e-S-presso, not e-X-presso) drinks and lingo so you can be a coffee snob with the best of them, and hopefully find a drink that suits your morning routine and/or weight loss regime nicely.

Coffee:  These people know more about coffee than I would ever care to know or try to condense here in few sentences.  I'm an enthusiast, but.. wow.  I will mention that there are flavored coffees and flavored syrups for coffee.  Manufacturers usually produce flavored coffee (i.e., vanilla, hazelnut) by spraying regular coffee beans with a flavor spray during the grinding process. 

I have such fun looking at random coffee blends from less mainstream sources.  My favorite?  Some blends I recently spotted at Whole Foods, by Raven's Brew Coffee:  Three Peckered Billy Goat Blend: Sup from the Cup That Keeps You Up, & Wicked Wolf Blend: Grandma's Gone but the Coffee's On. 

Espresso:  Often the basis for premium coffee drinks, espresso is a type of coffee made from a very dark french roast bean.  It's made from steam on specialized equipment.  You may hear people asking for a single or double shot.. these may also be called 'solo' or 'doppio.'  You may hear a stressed-out student with bloodshot eyes and a quivering voice order a 'quad shot' at 10 p.m.  This is 4 espresso shots.  Overkill much?

Espresso Macchiatto: Espresso with steamed milk.  (Usually these are flavored with one of the extensive varieties of flavored syrups or combinations thereof.  Caramel comes to mind most readily.. I wonder why..)

Cafe au lait:  Regular brewed coffee with steamed milk.

Cappuccino:  1/3 espresso, 1/3 steamed milk, 1/3 foam.  Ordering a ‘dry’ cappuccino means that there is very little, if any steamed milk.  They just want the foam.  To order a double is to order an extra shot of espresso in there.  Additionally, to order 'half-caff' means that one of the espresso shots is caffeinated, and the other is decaf. 

Cafe Latte:  tres chic these days - it is espresso with steamed milk and very little foam. 

Cafe Breve:  A-HA!  A more obscure coffeehouse order for those in the mood to enjoy life's edible pleasures.  A cafe Breve is 1/3 espresso, 1/3 warm half-and-half, and 1/3 foam. 

Americano:  I thank my brother, Dr. Ben, for the tip on this waist-friendly counter to the latte.  It is espresso with hot water, no foam.  You get the volume and somewhat-similar flavor of the latte, without the calories and milk sugar.  (A latte is often a healthy treat depending on your add-ins, don't get me wrong, but this is a nice option if you haven't factored a latte into your day and you need a caffeine hit.)

Cafe Mocha:  Ed's drink of choice, a mocha (or white mocha) is espresso, chocolate (or white chocolate) syrup, steamed milk, and foam. 

Red Eye or "Sludge Cup" (depending on geography):  Regular Drip-coffee with a shot of espresso

Black Eye or "Shot in the Dark" (depending on geography): Regular Drip-coffee with two shots of espresso

To most of these selections there may of course be special requests like extra hot, half-caff, or dry (as described above). Then, to any drink may be added: whole, 2%, or skim milk, soy milk, almond milk, lactose-free milk, half-and-half, flavored coffee creamers, whipped topping, sugar, Turbinado sugar, splenda, equal, stevia, honey, agave syrup, etc etc etc ETCETERA.

The bottom line is that pretty much any whacky combination of coffee terms that you can concoct in your brain can probably be concoted at the coffee bar.  Or your house.  My CPA boyfriend calculated that his more-or-less 5 days a week White Mocha order sets him back more-or-less $1,500 a year.  Eep!  Ok, so that may inspire you to follow the new economy-fueld trend of home-brewing.  Personally, I enjoy the morning stop at Starbucks.  I go with a large House Blend, 1 tbsp half-and-half.  5 days a week, no fail.  That may sound lame, but anything to delay my arrival at the workplace is A-OK in my book.

Hopefully you can now understand why I was justifiably irritated when last week the girl in front of me in line ordered a nonfat Americano from the girl behind the counter.  That poor barista was in for a long day.